Friday, 7 December 2012

Hopes, Fears and Opportunities...2

This post is about my reflection on how I've coped over this semester in college. I'm actually finding it therapeutic by getting it off my chest.

Honestly, I don't think the word 'coped' could cover it.
I've struggled managing my projects like any other student endures from time to time. But this semester, my work and work ethic has suffered more so than usual. I've had a mental blockage for weeks and a lack of motivation.
The reasons as to why I believe are:

Portfolio Reviews & Job Stress...
It was a great learning experience going through the motions of professional practice and presenting oneself. In fact, I think I enjoyed it despite being very nervous. 
What got to me though was when I received some critical feedback on my work from a director, Chris Gaffey. He was very fair in what he had to say. It was after reflecting on what he said that I think my confidence got knocked. I wasn't expecting gold stars or anything when it came to my portfolio work; but I felt like it was no longer good enough for the industry.

For a few years, I've worried about what I will do once I leave education and look for a job. The stress has built up more with the current economic climate and depleting jobs; I keep hearing stories of how people are struggling to land a job at MacDonald's right now. 
I figured: if people are struggling with that, then what chance have I got in getting a job that I love? I personally don't feel ready.

Fluctuating Ideals, Lack of Motivation & NY...
I structured roughly what I was going to do for my Self Initiated Project. But any ideas I had the advice I recieved was that it was too complicated or ambitious to pull off. Fair enough, so I kept changing what I wanted to do to ideally fit it in within the constrains of what was required. 
For a while, I had a fairly structured plan of what I was going to do; but then we went to New York. I was dreading going due to the fact that we were flying which is not my preferred method of transport.
When I got back from New York, I didn't know where to begin on my work. 
I tried working on it, but things kept cropping up at college and home, so a lot of it got postponed or delayed.
Eventually, my motivation depleted. I guess I burned out. 

In the end?...
I've felt really upset, stressed and a little depressed.
I think the multiple factors that have occurred simultaneously, have made things feel impossible and have had an impact on my working practise. 
I know I can improve on how I work. Perhaps when I work on my other projects, things will run more efficiently in future.
I wonder if this is the effect of being in my third year of college, because it's the make or break year.
I'm hoping my next semester will be more productive and enjoyable. 

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